Disclaimer: I know very well, regardless how I feel in this moment, my situation pales in comparison to much of the world suffering that is going on today. Not only around the world, but in my microcosm of the world. Still….
What’s the matter with me?? The question I’ve been asking myself for days. One minute life seems blissful, and beautiful, and fun, and joyful, and the very next minute a giant wave washes over me and flings a big dagger right into the middle of my heart. And I can’t shake it off. This isn’t me. Not the me I’ve known for 57 years. Yet, here we are. In my head I’m shouting STOP! How dare you?? You have a great life. Three amazing kids. Well, now 5, we just had a 2nd family wedding. 🙂 And you have a wonderful supportive husband. Still….
When you have a baby, you’re forewarned by other moms, friends, and doctors, that you may experience some level of postpartum depression. I’m not even sure I did, but if I did, I would have known to expect it, it’s normal. But no one warned me about possible empty nest depression. Suddenly, a couple weeks ago, if felt like I was hit by a Mack truck, even though our nest actually emptied a few years ago. Still….
I have to admit, I am coming down from one of the best times of my life. I had my daughter home for weeks before her wedding. Planning the wedding was so much fun! The wedding was one of the best days of my life! Everything about it was exciting. Her sister gave the best Maid of Honor speech ever. The father-daughter dance was beautiful. A couple weeks later we were in Spokane, helping our son and his lovely bride of 2 years settle into their new condominium. That’s a lot of high packed into a short time. So maybe, a little low is understandable… It’s so eerily quiet now.
It’s a few weeks later as I type this. My smack downs have been fewer. I’ve actually been feeling quite my normal self, until yesterday…. We took a stroll over to meet our new neighbors and deliver home baked cookies and a beauiful yellow mum. A cute young mom came bounding to the door, throwing it open, declaring “I know you people!” I was taken back for a split second before I recognized a girl I had not seen since she had babies. Her 4 children now range from 14 to 7. She is someone we met through our daughter Alexandra years ago when Alexandra was probably the age of her oldest daughter now. She worked with the youth group Alli attended. And. Now. She. Is. 5. Years. Away. From. Having. A. Child. Leave. For. College! Memories came flooding back into my head with the deep realization AGAIN, that time will not stand still. Aside from the daily reminder from my skin that doesn’t quite have the spring in its step that it used to… I mean, that’s enough of a reminder I’m getting older. Still, it is lovely to see her and her little family, and to know that we have wonderful new neighbors.
To top it off, I am in the throes of a major decluttering phase that keeps taking me down a delightful memory lane (a high), but then again I am gobsmacked (a low) by how fast time goes. I mean, people tell you that your entire life, and then one day the Mack truck blind sides.
Trying daily to count my blessings, because as my kitchen pig reminds me, ‘life goes on.’